Amsterdam: Bike or Death

May, 2009

Preface:  Seeing as my attempts at quitting my dearest, most friendly, lustful vice have epically failed, or more factually, reasonably failed, I am now documenting some thoughts on my recent trip to Amsterdam and Prague.  I do, however, plan on once again jumping into the very lethal and prickly thorns of smoking cessation in the (near) future, making this somehow relevant to my initial intentions.

Amsterdam.  It is lovely with its extensive canals and gingerbread facades.  It is lethal in its main means of transportation.  Near death experience 1:  A sudden thunderstorm broke.  We were (other persons present protected for various legal and personal repercussions) at the waterfront behind Central Station, a gorgeous building.  Rain, wind and other gusting elements from beyond racked the greying skies.  As we deftly made our way back towards our hotel, by Dam Square, I nearly met the sweet, hallowed cheeks of death in the form of an aggravated Dutch biker.  As I defensively looked right, then left, then right -as we are taught in driver’s ed and some other pedestrian traffic courses I am well versed in, he came from the left, yes, the other left that is neglected in this triangular defensive formation that clearly does not take into regard that two rights and one left clearly neglects the OTHER LEFT!!

Incident 2:  It seems that within the immediate throws of tequila and Coors Light, I cannot clearly recall the exact circumstance of the second incident.  This is probably for the better, as I needed to resort to such diversions in order to heal.  I think it involved a bike whizzing by millimeters from my body.  Seconds, my friend, seconds.

Transportation is extremely bike-oriented.  This is followed by the tram, then car.  You must be aware of the extreme slew of bikers, the tram lines, and the car lanes-I will argue, more dangerous than New York, because bikers there do not follow traffic signals, and as they outnumber other vehicles-it’s a free for all in terms of potential bike death.  I was much more aware as a pedestrian in Amsterdam-two near death incidents in under 48 hours.

Stay tuned to this riveting blog for more anecdotes, conspiracies and meandering observations regarding my travels.