It’s Friday! On Vampires, Fellatio and Fun

Day 61

It is certainly notable when one vampire reference occurs on a given day.  When two occur and both are beyond what I would consider an ordinary vampiric reference, i.e. conversational or literary, the oddity not only deserves to be noted, but further considerations should be contemplated.  Am I alluding to the supernatural, metaphysical or superstitious?  Perhaps.  But more likely I am alluding to some sort of vampiric sex play that has escaped me until now.  Or maybe I’m saying, “Watch Dracula” or that episode of The L Word when Alice gets fucked by the Vampirologist.  Regardless of my meaning, the facts remain.

Scenario 1

Approximately 2PM Friday, November 14th

Preface:  I was wearing my faux -fur collared jacket that looks vaguely vintage.  I have recently noticed that when wearing this jacket there is a definite increase in verbal and visual public response.  My guess is the jacket has, in fact, vampire pheromones.  That has not yet been decided.   The following incident wouldn’t be terribly out of the ordinary on any given day, save the unique aesthetics and mannerisms of our hero-villain.

Action:  Enter middle-aged male.  His hair is white, his skin translucent, his eyes a green, gauzy hazel.  He is well dressed in a suit and carrying some sort of designer bag.  Heavily scented with cologne, or perhaps oil.  He approaches from the left after crossing 37th street.

“You have a very interesting style,” he says.  His voice is slinky, Eastern European, lilting.  I see his petal pale eyes for the first time, his cloying scent settles around us.

“Perhaps we can get to know one another better.”

At this point of the interaction, my heart rate is increased mainly due to the level of creepiness that is being exuded.  I very politely apologize that I will not be able to do whatever that statement entails, but have to return to work, c’est dommage.  I looked back twice as I walked up 37th st.  I could still smell him.

So, clearly this dude was a vampire.  That was incident 1.  Entertaining in and of itself.

The second vampiric reference of the day is purely humorous, although authentic.  It involves a letter authored by a very lovely old man who is quite articulate, it turns out.  This letter was addressed to none other than Hugh Heffner and sent to Playboy’s New York offices.  One very lucky man in Consumer Marketing was privileged enough to open this gem.

I can only hope I, too, one day will receive such caliber of mail.  As of now letters from prisoners top my list, and they are all far too polite and ordinary.

Anyway, time is of the essence my friends, so go suck some blood and roll some video.  I’m sure it will sell like sundaes at the county fair, on a hot summer day.  A very sticky, hot summer day.